Accidents really do see me coming

I may not get out much but I do seem to attract accidents rather too easily.

I hadn’t really thought about it until SWMBO commented, after my most recent mishap, that I am “accident prone”.

Initially I was upset and even a little disappointed. Me, accident prone? Never. But that got me thinking. Have I really had THAT many accidents over the years?

Sure, I did almost slice my thumb off whilst sharpening the carving knife with a steel (remember them?) one Christmas day.

And I really did poke my fingers into a light socket when an outdoor blub blew one balmy day. I was just trying to get the rest of the shattered bulb out. OK, maybe I should have turned the power off.

Then there was the panic at a family barbeque. Loads of hungry, expectant diners waiting for me to produce a feast of charred remains. Coals not ready? No problem, I thought. A quick squirt of some of that liquid lighter fuel onto the reddish charcoal should really do the trick. Ah, the smell of burnt hair. It took months for the heavily singed follicles to grow back on my arm.

What about the time I was putting something back into a very high built-in cupboard in the living room? It required the step ladder. Now I’m a professional so I checked the little yellow lock tabs to ensure the ladder was stable.

First box passed to me by SWMBO was safely deposited in the cupboard. I don’t fully remember what happened with the second box, other than I can report how painful it is to land on the wooden arm of an armchair from a fairly great height. Took the wind out of my sails, somewhat.

What was at the time the most painful mishap happened while I was cleaning my office at home. I’d hoovered (other brands of vacuum cleaner are available) the industrial carpet to within an inch of its life and, rather sensibly, I thought, I unplugged the beast while I continued with a little light dusting.

Unfortunately I left the lead and plug on the floor and while reaching up to dust the top of my framed 25 yard breaststroke certificate from Harlow swimming pool circa. 1965 my foot slipped out of my flip flop – and plunged down onto the three-pin plug.

Although now there were only two pins visible as the third was embedded into my heel. Fortunately my car knew the way to A&E.

Anyway, enough of historical events. What happened recently, you are wondering, to make SWMBO make the stinging “accident prone” comment?

Let’s just say a hefty club hammer and a sweaty hand do not good bedfellows make. But the good news is that the wound on my shin has healed nicely (thank you for asking).

And I wonder why I am now greeted by name at the local A&E. Got a season ticket, me.