Oh my, how weddings have evolved 

You become aware of Father Time knocking at the door when you start going to weddings not of your friends but of their children. It is amazing, but not unique, to attend the nuptials of someone when just a few months ago (well, 30 years ago, actually) you were cradling the new-born in your arms.

We were honoured, and I choose my words deliberately, to have been invited at the weekend to the wedding of Sarah and Jason (names have not been changed to protect their identities).

It was a wonderful affair – oodles of lovely people, all dressed in their finery, coming together to witness the beginnings of another family.

The hotel was good, the church magical, the wedding breakfast satisfying and the father-of-the-bride’s speech surprisingly good.

But several things happened that show just how much times have changed.

Firstly, the John Lewis wedding gift list. I have to admit I’m a bit of a conscientious objector to these things. If I want to buy the happy couple a toaster, I should be allowed to – from where I want and in what colour I want.

But that free spirit approach is of course why people like SWMBO and I, manacled almost 40 years ago, got two toasters, three fondue sets and four sets of kitchen utensils. So we got them something off “The List”.

Secondly, the speeches. In my day, a few words from the father of the bride, a few mumbled mutterings from the groom and then some witty riposte from the best man and hey presto, the serious drinking could start.

Nowadays it’s like being at a comedy club. The best man on Saturday strutted around amongst the tables, microphone in hand, using crib notes from his smart phone to entertain, inform and amuse. No nervous stammering from behind the top table – just an act, and a good, clearly well-rehearsed one at that.

Thirdly, the length of the whole event. Back in the Dark Ages, it took around five hours from the beginning of the church service to the end of the reception. So, noon kick-off meant an early 5pm bath.

On Saturday, kick-off was at noon but with even more extra time looming, us Oldies toddled off at 11.30pm and left the youngsters partying.

Where do they get their stamina from? And how can they consume so much alcohol without embarrassing themselves or their loved ones?

Answers on a postcard, please.

What’s going on in the voluntary sector?

Is there something amiss in the voluntary sector?

I ask because of the attitude of some involved in this increasingly important part of our society. And I don’t mean other volunteers or the voluntees (ED: is that a correct word?)

I mean the people who run some charities and voluntary organisations.

A while back I called a local “umbrella” volunteer group to express my interest in helping in any (well, almost any) way. After all, a man cannot survive on golf and Angry Birds alone.

I was duly asked to pop into the office for an interview and that seemed to go well – I explained what I was interested in, they explained what they needed, we discussed my skills and all seemed a perfect fit. With plenty of positive noises from my interviewer, I felt useful.

Except I never heard from them again. To my knowledge, I have no criminal record (subsequent Disclosure and Barring Service Enhanced checks bore this out) so it couldn’t have been any criminal tendencies.

And I wasn’t reeking of booze and Old Shag, for a change, so presumably it wasn’t that either.

I concluded that they did not know where to fit me under their umbrella and, while slightly peeved, decided not to let it get to me. After all, SWMBO assured me I had plenty to offer other people and told me not to worry. Not that she’s at all biased.

So I didn’t. And despite the set-back, I persevered. Next stop was the local branch of a national charity. Same basic procedure – pop in for an interview, get on well, sort out their computer problems while there, hear loads of positive comments etc. go home and wait for the phone to ring.

Apart from one call asking if I would stand outside a supermarket on a Saturday morning to shake a tin, I never had contact again.

Now I know there are many marvellous charities and volunteer groups out there but my overall view has been soured somewhat.

I could have accepted a straightforward call to say I was not needed or not suitable but were they just overly worried that I would sue them? Or upset me? Me, upset?

Or, as I think is more likely, were they just run by salaried people with their own interests foremost in their minds?

I should add that I now volunteer successfully (?) for one local charity, one national organisation and have even started editing my local parish magazine.

So, some of the more disappointing experiences I have encountered can’t be all down to me.

Discuss.

Other reader’s views on the refugee crisis

As promised a couple of days ago, here’s the response from AD of west Suffolk to my post about refugees.

AD recently celebrated his 90^th birthday. I’m sure he won’t mind me saying you can teach an old dog new tricks – AD shops online, emails family and friends and checks out where people live on Google Streetview.And he knows how to read blogs.

I have now read your epistle for last Saturday. While I sympathise with the plight of these refugees, this country, compared with say Germany, is already overcrowded.
Also, we cannot produce enough food for ourselves - a fact proved in World War
2 when there was severe rationing. I think the U.N. ought to do more. Aren't they supposed to maintain peace in the world? I will now vacate my soapbox!
Thanks, AD.

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Now for something completely different. I like living in the country. Long walks across fields of swaying crops; cycling adventures down narrow lanes.

Those are two of the things I might try one day but at present I’ll stick to the car.OK, I know you are waiting for it so here’s the gripe.

Why do farm vehicles have to chug along narrow lanes and roads during rush hour, holding up us mere mortals as we try to go about our business?I know they have an important job to do but does it always have to be between 7.30am and 9am and 5pm and 6.30pm, when many people are trying to get to and return from work?Coming home from seeing Mil yesterday I was one of many vehicles trapped behind a huge tractor pulling a trailer laden with a – combine harvester. We ground to a halt on every bend as said tractor and trailer, which covered three-quarters of the width of the road, had to avoid oncoming traffic.Yet during that six mile section of my journey, which took 35 minutes rather than the usual 10, there were at least three opportunities for it to pull over and let the queue behind it pass.Before you ask, there were no alternative routes along that stretch of road. Trust me, I’d have taken one.Finally, please don’t get me going about my journey earlier in the day to see Mil – let’s just say sat-navs and Bulgarian HGV drivers are not a match made in heaven.

The route through picturesque Suffolk villages may look shorter, and certainly will have better scenery, but surely there must be some reason why the UK has spent so much on building four-lane A roads?

Going for a lie-down now.

Reader offers his views on the refugee crisis

My last post (so to speak) elicited a flood of responses – well, two. I feel I must share them with you as they are thought provoking and epitomise the difficulty of the current refugee issue. Here is the first from my reader RN of east Suffolk – full name supplied but withheld to protect the innocent.

Such an emotive subject and my first reaction is that we should be offering a helping hand to these desperate people but how best to achieve this is clearly the dilemma.
It's true the west has contributed to current problems but the issues run much deeper than that and we have to deal with things as they are today.
I don't think just letting hundreds of thousands of people just walk into and across Europe and be given citizenship by one or more countries is the correct way. It has an impact of the rest of Europe given that once citizenship is gained I believe they are then free to relocate to any European country.
I don't think that Germany's approach has been very wise, but on the other hand if they have the jobs, housing etc. to cope with these refugees over the next decade or so without internal disruption or help from other European countries then their decision is more understandable.
Insofar as the UK is concerned, we need to be reasonably sure that any refugees we allow to settle can be looked after, provided with accommodation, jobs, health, education etc. and this is where the head has to rule the heart otherwise we could be heading for problems.
It is a fact that we are experiencing quite large numbers migrating, quite legitimately, from other countries in Europe and only a few weeks ago, people were voicing their concerns and were urging the government to seriously reduce immigration on the basis the UK does not have the resource to cope. Now that's been turned on its head and we have people, many  of whom are MP's suggesting we should welcome more, probably many more than we can sensibly accommodate.
It is a fact that we are currently more densely populated than Germany and twice that of France, Spain etc. and as such perhaps helps to understand the issues surrounding the "pressures on services" that are often talked about.
What is the correct number, I am not sure but as far as the UK Government response is concerned I think, at the moment, it has just about got it right.
Firstly, by supporting refugees closer to their home countries as they have done for a considerable time and secondly by accepting refugees from the UNHCR settlements.
It has to be noted that many countries now responding to the crisis should have done much more in previous months and years in this respect just as the UN should have been working even harder to ensure more safe areas for these families to live.
The European Union Parliament has been once again been totally useless over this issue, (I just wonder at times what they actually do contribute).
It is also a fact that this isn't just a problem for Europe it's a problem for the world, a problem where the UN should be at the forefront and encourage the USA, Canada, Australia, et al to offer help.
Thank you, RN. The second offering, from AD of west Suffolk (we are an insular lot in these parts) will be published later this week.

Where do you stand on the refugee crisis?

To celebrate my 50^th post on IDGOM, I thought it might be fitting to adopt a more serious attitude to my ramblings.

But don’t worry too much, dear reader, as it probably won’t last very long.

My subject is one uppermost in the minds of the majority of us this sunny day – what ARE we, the civilised Western world, to do about the stream (notice no swamping on this blog) of people seeking a new life in good old Europe?

Well, consider these views:

Wouldn’t we be better off helping resolve the issues at source i.e. in Afghanistan, Eritrea, and Syria etc.? Or did we cause the current situation in many of the mentioned countries by sending troops in to counter people/ organisations we didn’t like or share a philosophy with?

Shouldn’t we differentiate between a refugee (to my mind someone who is in mortal danger of losing their life) and a migrant (someone looking for a better life in another country)?

Why should someone simply looking for a better life be able to enter whichever country they wish without any form of authorisation? I can travel freely within Europe, and a select few other countries, as I am a European but I still need to go through several hoops just to visit many other states, let along move there.

Have we tried to close the stable door long after the horse has bolted? Our inability, or even reluctance, to tackle serious issues in unstable parts of the world has led to the current crisis. We reap what we sow.

Should we let a photograph of one of very many victims, however young, drive the debate? Emotive images have helped set the agenda throughout history (who can ever forget the iconic and powerful image of the screaming young victim of a napalm attack in the Vietnam War) but they cannot be allowed to dictate it. Mind you, sometimes we all need a kick up the Arsenal to get things moving.

Shouldn’t we stop blaming Germany? Yes, I know that country started two world wars and always beat England on penalties but come on, give the country some slack. That said, there can be no doubt that Angela’s open-door policy is encouraging more and more refugees/ migrants to head west. But isn’t that policy better than ignoring the situation?

Hasn’t our glorious leader got it right for once when he says, a little belatedly, that we will start taking more refugees from the camps in countries bordering Syria? Then proper checks can be carried out. Without these, and a few rules, even more chaos will lie ahead.

Discuss.

Despicable - taking advantage of the elderly

I guess you’ve heard about the charities that sold the personal details of a dementia sufferer to conmen who then tricked him out of thousands of pounds?

And all because he forgot to tick a box (to say he did not want his details shared) after completing a charity’s survey.

As a result, former Army colonel Samuel Rae, who is 87, has been repeatedly targeted by rogue firms and has lost £35,000 through scams.

He was contacted 731 times after 88 charities and 12 scam firms got his details, according to a story in the Daily Mail.

It’s just despicable, isn’t it? But I can understand how some elderly people can be taken in. I believe there are a couple of reasons for this.

One is being lonely. Receiving phone calls and lots of mail can make vulnerable people feel in touch with the world.

As a volunteer for Silverline, the charity set up a couple of years ago by Esther Rantzen, I call a woman in Kent once a week, at a pre-arranged time for a chat.

It is apparent that she is a lovely, bubbly retired person but carers visiting twice a week for a couple of hours, a few phones calls every seven days from her daughter and my ramblings once a week don’t really add up to much in the way of social contact, communication and companionship. The lady is lonely.

Bet you didn't know I could ALMOST cross my legs?

The second reason is the fact that the older generation is much more trusting of people and often totally unaware of the dangers lurking in the post and at the end of a telephone.

Our family’s experience is nowhere near as harrowing, or costly, as Mr Rae’s but we do tend to be more proactive than some. It also helps, I guess, to have a cynical retired journalist in the fold.

Recently widowed Mil receives dozens of shopping catalogues. She loves reading them and loves getting the post each morning. But only yesterday we had to persuade her not to buy something she did not really want or need simply because her name would go into the hat to win a cash prize.

Touching wood, and other inanimate objects, she has never been scammed. But I like to think that’s because her family members are on the ball, always help her to complete the order forms and all (most?) have eyesight good enough to find the miniscule box you have to tick to say you don’t want your details shared.

Perhaps it is time to have a box that says tick here if you’d like us to share your details. Like that’s going to happen!

It’s lucky I don’t get out more.